My Health Story

  Hey. My name is Sayda. I am a beauty seeker, writer, and photographer. I suffer from a long list of problems. These problems have given me a strength I would never take back. I have a Healer. His name is Jesus. And this is my story. 

Physical Pain:
Everything started small, with a so-though injury in my knee. I was a dancer for eight years and made it on pointe for a short time. During dance, I had a rough fall to the cement, resulting in pain that didn't ever end up fading away. Months of questions, ice packs, ortho visits, physical therapy, etc. was in store for me. Symptoms began to flare up rather obviously in my joints, muscles, and heart.
It took a big leap and a turn for the worst when dizziness, headaches, panic attacks, black-outs, and other frightening things started playing out in my day-to-day life. 
  I have been diagnosed with Hypermobility, Fibro, Chronic Pain. 
Brief Description: every case is extremely different. With mine, it's more the 'Chronic Pain' route, Adrenal Fatigue, CFS, etc. Two years of severe trial has brought me to this place.
I've gone through numerous tests and blood work to try to narrow down something at all.
Having this condition, nothing shows up on a scan, in blood, or through other such testing. So, that can be rather frustrating at times. I am actually extremely relived that this is it. I am thankful that we have finally found out the source causing me horrible fatigue and pain 24/7.

I have been even more recently been diagnosed with POTS--Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. *whew* that's a mouthful!
Brief Description: POTS is almost a heart disease with a bit of autoimmune disorder.
Most commonly found in teenage females, POTS causes symptoms such as Heart palpitations, fainting spells, black-outs, extreme dizziness, cold/clammy hands and feet, some additional body aches, flushed face, hot and cold flashes, headaches, shakiness, crazy brain-fog, tiredness, weakness, difficultly concentrating, and even more. If you can possibly imagine more. 

Depression + Anxiety:

During this time on my road to wellness, I often dealt with severe depression, anxiety, and rather scary thoughts about my life, who I was, and where I was going to end up. For a while, I seriously thought I was dying hopelessly from some unknown physical ailment, and at that point I didn't really care.

I just wanted to curl up and sink into my own sorrow. It was a scary feeling. I was incredibly far from living life to the fullest. If only I could open my eyes and see the light.
Going through a deep depression was life-changing. I never imagined myself dealing with these things. It was terrifying to trudge through all this messy pain I was dealing with.

I began to write away all of my sorrows. Painting, doodling, formulating poetry. I remember creating word pictures about experiencing depression. Some would include: I'm grasping onto the ledge, half my body submerged in water, rocks tied to my feet--they are pulling me down. If only people knew how close I am from drowning right now. If only they could see...
Depression is a scary thing. It's also a common thing: 350 people globally are effected by such a burden. 

This world needs hope, it needs abundant life. 

And I don't know who I would be without discovering that Light that only Jesus Christ can give us. I cannot imagine living my day-to-day struggles without the Ultimate Healer by my side.

 I also know, that wherever I may be, the Lord has me in His hands.

Anyway, this is a bit about me and all I've had the curse and honor of dealing with.
And no, I'm still not better. I have many days of depression, I still have panic attacks more often than I'd like. I still press on through pain and dizziness everyday.
Where do I find my strength, you ask?

Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would be nowhere. And I am just a servant of God trying to live for Him every day of my life.
I continually fail. Again and again.
But I am not a failure. I may be classified as a disaster. But a beautiful one.

                        ~Sayda <3